Where are you going with your life that gives you meaning?

20 December 2011 By

For many people, Christmas is a welcome relief from the hard slog of work. Not surprisingly with another economic downturn, there’s lots of change happening and motivation at work has fallen. Added to the usual pre-Christmas mania, and people can be glad of a breather. But it can leave people with longer-term issues being put on one side, such as what to do about a career that has perhaps stalled with a succession of economic ups and downs and business restructurings. “Where am I going?” is an important question that many can find hard to resolve.

You might be used to answering that familiar job interview question, “What are your career goals?” with some plausible-sounding waffle that gets you the job, but you might not have any real goals beyond getting and holding down the job you’ve gone for. Those in work might be thinking, if anything, about lateral or promotional moves, but if asked about a longer-term strategy may struggle. It’s when people lose their jobs and realise their career isn’t going anywhere and that this is now an issue for them that they might start to look seriously at the question. Even then it can leave you flummoxed if, like very many, you’ve never known what you really wanted to do. And then the jobs you’ve done have been default options.

Those who might be serious at addressing the issue can benefit from thinking about what their purpose or “mission” is, what their chosen line of work is for. For example it might be to serve some ultimate goal, such as a particular type of work for which you need to get the training and experience. Or you might have some higher goal, which your work is intended to serve, such as helping others in some way let say. If you are generation Y people for example, you might likely to be looking for meaning in your work, to some extent. The Happiness guru, Martin Seligman, says that one key driver for happiness is having meaning. It might depend on your values, what is important to you. Doing some work on what your passions in life are can help, for example thinking about what you most enjoy doing. For others, a key motivator in work is the people they work with, and the quality of the connection with people derived from their work. Working on your aspirations can link with what you want from life in general, what your drivers are, and what lifestyle you aspire to and what social values you want to express.

For those regular readers of this blog however, there may be something deeper, more urgent, that is tugging at your sleeves. It’s what you might be dimly aware of if you take a deep breath while reading these words and noticing a sense that might be there. I wonder how many of you might be actually thinking about what the ultimate purpose which you’d like your work to be serving might be. When you read words like “passion” and “meaning”, what would they conjure up for you, perhaps thoughts and more importantly feelings about what it’s all really about, and what your role or part in all this is meant to be? I wonder how many of you are feeling provoked by the continuing economic depression, which is in strictly economics terms what the downturn since 2008 has been, to ask about what this is all about, and what it really is about for you. Is the materialistic dream that so many of us were brought up on, and which has lasted we could say since 1945 (wow!), really sufficient as a way of giving meaning to our lives, to your life?

It’s that thought that I am so much more that this pursuit of meaningless goals, and it might be worth exploring who this “I am” really is, and see what new purpose and meaning emerges.

The program The Power of Awareness is very suited to this kind of journey.

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS
Share
Filed Under: The World of Work Tagged With: , ,

Losing your job at Christmas can be the worst time

19 December 2011 By

Around this time, companies have a knack of informing staff that they are to lose their jobs. The timing can seem perfect: how to ruin your Christmas. Of course from the companies’ point of view, it’s often at the end of the financial year, new budgets are coming in and they are having to face some hard truths for the next year. With what is widely expected to be another recession, companies will be tightening their belts.

From the individual’s point of view however, it can mean they leave with painful memories. It can be the abruptness with which they were informed, since most people find delivering bad news to be very difficult, and sometimes the isolation and being seemingly ignored by others compounds the experience. They might be left wondering why they were chosen and not others, and was the redundancy actually a way of getting rid of a less valued individual or one that was deemed to be performing less well. So there’s the feeling of not being valued, or rejected, which hurts.

This isn’t always how people react of course, since there are those that are delighted or relieved too. They may have been hoping to “get a package” in order to move on to something they’ve been planning for, to fund a course or to start a business. They may have hated the job and are glad to be paid to leave!

And not everybody gets much cash. Companies strapped for cash may only pay what they are legally obliged to, or the company may simply go bust and there’s nothing.

Whatever the manner of leaving, people may be euphoric or they be unhappy, but there’ll be the pressing need to find another job, and all the ups and downs and uncertainties that go with that. Some of course take their time, and have a big buffer to live off for a while, which can make the transition back into work slower and for some harder. The manner in which they leave can leave hurts that take a while to get over and people may need to rebuild their self-esteem. Then they may just need to get the old job out of their hair. For a few, the pleasure of not working for a while is stronger than the pain of not having a job, and procrastination sets in. So, motivation can be a challenge. And let’s not underestimate the grieving process, the adjustment to the loss of job, which can take someone through a range of emotions, from initial shock, denial, anger and upset, depression, acceptance, letting go, new purpose and moving on.

In a recession, there’s less help provided by the employer, which is unfortunate since while some may not have a clear idea of what their next job might be, others are left wondering about the way forward, and need career advice and support. And they may simply need help with marketing themselves.

Here’s a short but detailed overview of the sort of thinking that can be needed, in a pdf download.

Many have experience already of this process, and can be hardened to it. Yet, in difficult times like now, and particularly at Christmas, it is not an easy process, and if combined with other changes or upheavals going on in someone’s life, can be a very testing time. I provide help for people going through this transition.

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS
Share
Filed Under: The World of Work Tagged With: , , , ,

The power of being tuned into where others are coming from

13 December 2011 By

I had a useful reminder last week in a course I was running on Leadership about the importance of awareness at work. The group were asked to think of behaviours needed for dealing with difficult situations, and one person said “emotional intelligence”, to the accompaniment of humorous “Oooo!” from the others. When we discussed it, I explained about emotional intelligence being about being aware of and using the emotional component in one’s self-management and communication with others. The person who used the term then spoke of how her manager had a blind spot around his sensitivity to others and often rode roughshod over people’s feelings.

This facet of emotional intelligence concerns empathy, the ability to pick up on where others might be at, to have a sense of where others might be coming from, or how they might feel. Daniel Goleman, one of the leading proponents of emotional intelligence as a concept, states that empathy is one of the most vital but most under-utilised of leadership behaviours.

Empathy is distinct from sympathy, where you are in the pit with them, feeling similar things: “Yes, that happened to me last week. Let me tell you what happened…” With empathy, we seek to understand as far as we can how another might see something, while not necessarily taking their stuff on board or agreeing with them. You might sense it and even feel it, but you don’t get caught up in it. Hence awareness is so important here. Empathy enables someone to tell you something and feel you’ve got it, even if you don’t agree. It’s hugely valuable when trying to win over people who have concerns about something. They might listen to your view and let’s say hear what you want, tell you of their concerns, and then when you’ve really got it, are then more likely to hear your response and then potentially be open to be persuaded. It’s an invaluable aid in communication, particularly when leveraging the emotional component. People who resonate with those they seek to influence are more powerfully connected to them and can more easily get them on side with what they are seeking to do. Empathy brings us closer to each other, so that potentially we can be more likely to get on the same wavelength. With empathy, we listen to each other better and we are more likely to care. With empathy there is warmth in the contact between people and we feel more bonded.

So, you might get why it is so needed. Many leaders lack it and many staff instinctively appreciate one who has it. So often managers are insensitive to others and, especially in times of change, bully others into their way of thinking: “It’s my way or the highway.” So you get demotivated staff. However, empathy can be learned and developed, if you are willing!

Our awareness training seeks to develop all facets of awareness, including empathy.

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS
Share
Filed Under: The World of Work Tagged With: , ,

Speaking with the power of authenticity

22 November 2011 By

I was running a training course in leadership for managers last week, about presentation skills, and what was so very clear for these people that what this course was really about was their ability to be authentic, to be who they are, to be true to themselves. When they came over most powerfully was when they spoke with passion, from the heart, like they meant every word, that what they said really mattered, as though in some subtle way it connected with something true inside them. And this connected us with them. We felt with them, right there in the moment, like it connected with something in us. Such power.

This is such an important leadership trait, and yet so sorely neglected: our ability to be authentic and to create resonance with others. I’ve seen people be very disconnected in this way and for people to be disconnected from them in turn. I’ve watched people try it, like turning on the passion bit, and yet still not quite convince. Or we think we are convinced but it turns out to lack substance.

It’s a journey, finding your authenticity. It means coming to know yourself, who you are, and then, in this case, to communicate from that place. So you need to know that self inside and you also need to learn to speak and interact with courage, from the heart, le cour in French, where many of your positive feelings lie.

This journey can be short for some, longer for others, but contrary to what people tend to want, there aren’t quick fixes. It can seem like peeling back the layers of the onion, to find your truth within, getting to know the different parts of yourself, letting go of certain aspects, emphasising others, dropping certain fronts that we present to the world that don’t serve us, healing hurts, recognising that what’s really there inside is OK after all, coming to like or love ourselves, indeed discovering the sheer magnificence of the Self that dwells within.

When you really know yourself, Who your really Are, people just get you. They just get the message. They trust you, believe you. You have true credibility, built on the authentic power of who you are, not on some fiction presented to the world because that is what we think works or what we think people want.

So in this course I mentioned at the start, when people spoke authentically, even the shy ones, even the ones lacking self-confidence, got our attention and engaged us. All very simple, really. No huge effort, just a matter of Being.

This is therefore where developing self awareness is so important.

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS
Share
Filed Under: The World of Work Tagged With: , ,

When are you authentically in service to another?

15 November 2011 By

For many people a seemingly guaranteed turn-off word is “service”. It’s as if there’s an immediate filter at work whereby what people hear is “complaints”, “awkward” or “difficult” customers, people getting unpleasant, dealing with customers services at call centres and being held on endless call queues and phone menus. You name it, there’s a negative.

In fact the word that jumps out for me in that list is “difficult”. People so easily get labelled “difficult”, as though it’s their problem. We don’t see that there may be other factors at work too, including our own attitudes towards “such people”. However, the idea of being in a service role can switch people off fast.

Service has an old negative legacy associated with “being in service”, ie working as a servant, in former times. You can get a good idea of what that might have been like by watching TV programmes like Downton Abbey recently, although the aristocratic employers were probably more liberal in the European sense than many.

Today most probably think of service in terms of what a company may provide you as a paying customer, and many of us probably judge the business by the quality of what we get. However, it is seen as transactional, what I get for what I pay for, my entitlements and expectations. Those providing the service probably work within a set of agreed service levels, perhaps part of the deal.

So it comes as quite radical, or very old-fashioned, depending on your perspective, to hear the idea that service also has another meaning to some, another context. One is where service is given unconditionally, without expectation of reward, for the sake of it. Here, one gives service to benefit another as an act of love, generosity of spirit, because you care, to make a difference for another, not for anything you get out of it. So, strictly-speaking it is not transactional, although you might get paid for it, since the emphasis is on the selfless giving to another. It is called “selfless” in that the ego self is placed outside the equation. Instead service is to the greater Self, perhaps in that the same Self dwells in both me and you. In giving service, one is honouring the other person, pure respect.

Service done in this way is hugely challenging, but great personal development training. The challenge is that of the ego, since “I” in the ego sense cries out for attention, “What about me?!” As we are putting our egos on one side, that’s tricky. For example, what if the person you are giving service to is “difficult”? Well, the ego will very likely feel hurt and develop attitude. However, in true service in this sense, one puts such ego stuff on one side, and continues to give from the heart, unconditionally, without any expectation in return. So it’s a great training in learning to manage ourselves and connect authentically with the heart.

Someone who receives such service usually gets it, at some level. But you don’t expect that! It is unconditional. A real training in connecting with Who you really Are.

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS
Share
Filed Under: The World of Work Tagged With: , ,

Those who are like angels working selflessly to help others

14 November 2011 By

Hidden in the news about rising unemployment amongst young people I saw a link to a charity that specialises in helping disadvantaged young people get a job through football, which I thought was inspiring.

It is not easy for a young person getting a job in our qualifications-and-experience-obsessed world. You might study for a degree, now at vast expense and with a debt overhang, and still not get into work in the area in which you studied. You might of course be in the majority who don’t go to university, and you might be a NEET, the acronym for those “Not in Education, Employment or Training”, for whom it’s very hard potentially. As many job seekers will say, the longer you don’t get a job the harder it can get, and it’s very demoralising.

It’s therefore worth taking a look at Street League’s website. Their focus is on helping NEET’s. What jumped out immediately for me were health and fitness, motivation, thinking and behaviour within a structure, purpose, strategy and tactics, and perhaps above all teamwork. Combine that with essential training in job search skills, one-to-one support and good presentation and you’d be much more likely to come across well at an interview.

What most inspired me about this? Was it the bright idea? Or was it the enthusiasm and motivation? Was it the hope being given to young people? Or was it the care and concern being positively directed towards a group that is sorely neglected in our society?

Perhaps it was all of those things, but most of all the last-mentioned. I also watched many times the TV program, The Secret Millionaire, where successful and wealthy business people go undercover to disadvantaged localities, find charities that work with people in these areas and given them support. In doing so the millionaires find themselves facing up to aspects of themselves that they hadn’t looked at before, their own wounds that needed healing that were reflected back to them by the people and situations they encountered. Again, so often these people meet complete angels working amongst these usually impoverished populations, generally quite selflessly, because they care, to make a difference in the lives of those groups.

Such generosity in so many ways, giving to others, selflessly.

The power of love.

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS
Share
Filed Under: The World of Work Tagged With: , ,

And now stop and give praise to someone today

8 November 2011 By

What does it take to praise or appreciate people? Sometimes quite a lot, it seems.

Apparently 7 out of 10 UK workers feel that their employers take their efforts for granted, or at least expect them to be grateful for a job in these difficult times. This is in the light of pay freezes, longer hours or increased responsibility within the same role. According to this survey, it would pay employers to spend more time talking with staff about their development. According to research evidence, a high performing behaviour for managers is developing people. It should also of course be one for individuals, a willingness to invest in yourself and your own development. Unfortunately many don’t see it like that. However, to get the best out of people, it pays to attend to their development – and also to bolster confidence. So, encourage and motivate.

But, what about praise?

Simply acknowledging someone for what they’ve done is immensely powerful. Giving positive feedback, underlining what worked, why it worked and what you particularly admired. Do it authentically, genuinely, like you mean it, like you care. When people get that you care and when they feel praised (and note “feel” it), they light up. It touches the part of them that likes and wants to be loved and appreciated, the inner child of course. Like the rest of us!

But people find this so hard to do. Often the manager has (often) his mind on other things, but he or she might simply be weak on their people leadership skills. Then there’s the view that they should just do it anyway, as it’s part of the job.

Praise involves generosity, a spontaneous giving, from the heart. How many of us are generous? People can be reluctant to give, being either more orientated to wanting from others or they might simply closed down in their heart-centre, closed off, perhaps to protect some hurt, or they might actually simply be mean or they might tend to hold back, feeling unable to give, or they might be grudging in what they give to others.

So, today, try praising people whenever and wherever possible, and appreciating people, and giving thanks. Notice how it feels in your heart-centre. If necessary, tune in a moment, and ask your heart to open a bit to giving. Do it unconditionally, without expectation of anything in return.

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS
Share
Filed Under: The World of Work Tagged With: , , ,

When times are difficult at work people too often revert to type

1 November 2011 By

Do you struggle to communicate bad news or difficult messages? And has all that inclusive stuff gone out of the window and what you get are orders?

When times are difficult at work, it is common for managers to operate in a more “command-and-control” manner, what is often called “tell”, rather than be inclusive and participative. This is well-known, but even though it is well-known people continue to do it, even though today many staff find it unacceptable. Perhaps they might think jobs are scarce and are therefore more willing to tolerate it. Yet, curiously the people who do leave are the talented, who are more able to get work elsewhere. I’ve so often found that difficulties put pressure on people’s weaker areas, particularly in communication.

So many of us would far rather communicate good than bad news, although I’ve met people who don’t do either much. If it is giving feedback on poor performance, if it is breaking bad news, if it is firing someone, these can all present difficulties. People may manage to do it, but it’s so often how it is done that is crucial. Is it for example done in a way that is supportive and encouraging, with praise where appropriate, or with something good to hold on to, or is it done in an indirect way or “between the eyes”? Or do you have to find out the truth from someone else, or the rumour machine, or by guess-work? I grew up in a family where nobody could tell me my mother was first ill with cancer and later terminally ill.

Even harder is the participative style of leadership in pressured circumstances. People tend to revert to type. It is said that in a crisis what we get is leadership that is coercive, “my way or the highway”, and apparently it is good at turning things around. But it drives downwards the organisational climate. People resent it, and feel undervalued and unappreciated. This is an inclusive age, or was until the recession kicked in. Yet people still want to be involved, consulted, have things discussed with them and above all feel included, like they have a part to play.

What is so important in all this is developing your own crisis-management skill-set, where you can stay open in your communication, even if others aren’t doing it, and include others in what you are doing. It means learning to communicate in ways that respect people, where you care for others as you do for yourself, and that you listen as much if not more than you speak. So many of us under pressure fall back on old survival skills, when the very strengths developed in good times are what can potentially carry them through the harder times to. A core aspect to all this is the ability to be present, to have self-awareness, to stay centred, to believe in ourselves and to respect others.

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS
Share
Filed Under: The World of Work Tagged With: , , , ,

Being connected to who you are when with others

12 October 2011 By

The other day I was sitting in on a meeting which seemed to be dying on its feet. It seemed really heavy and hard work. People were pausing before saying anything, almost as if they didn’t know what to say. They looked bored and disconnected. The facilitator wasn’t really addressing this however and what became clear was the real leader, the top-level manager, was something to do with all this. He wasn’t saying what people really wanted to know, what was the future for the business, although he had hinted at it but then hurriedly said he’d talk about it later, when the group would be travelling somewhere. Apparently the really meaningful bit of news would be revealed walking down the street!

So the discussion droned on, pointlessly, until someone finally spoke up for what was going on for him. He expressed how he felt and said he wanted to know what the purpose of this group, why were they there. Somehow he hit the nail on the head and the whole group came to life. Everybody spoke up for what they wanted the group to be doing, to be relevant to their needs. The result was an agreed purpose and way of working and people relaxed and started to smile and the discussion flowed more easily. But the really big matter wasn’t spoken of, still unfinished business.

What struck me was how disconnected both the facilitator and the leader were from what was going on in the room, the “group process”. Either they were unaware of it, or they were trying to ignore it, but either way it wasn’t working.

I find this to be very common in human interactions, but in work and in life in general, where people don’t address what’s really going on, bring it out into the open and deal with it. This can include saying where they are really at, authentically, so that others can feel more connected to them. As a facilitator myself, I also know how important it is to attend to group process, what is going on in the group, for example its energy levels, how people are feeling, what’s being said and not said, body language, etc., and to encourage the group to deal with it.

What was most crucial though, was the lack of apparent awareness. It seemed that people were unable or unwilling to connect with the emotion in the group. This isn’t surprising. It can be scary to do this, which why we so often desensitise ourselves, in other words not allow ourselves to connect with the sensing and feeling, or deflect, in others words change our focus to something else or push it away.

Awareness means being right there with what’s going on. That’s where real power lies, being in touch with who we really are, living it, being it. It takes courage but it offers a breakthrough.

We teach people to connect more authentically with their awareness of who they are. It gives great scope for an enhanced relationship with life and work.

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS
Share
Filed Under: The World of Work

People feeling more under pressure at work

4 October 2011 By

On the surface no doubt, there’s a prevailing sentiment in organisations of “business as usual” – we just get on with the job in hand – and yet underneath that surface, no doubt too, there’s a sense of the Sword of Damocles hanging over many of us as we’re working longer hours, staying longer during the day and going the extra mile for their employer, fearful of losing their jobs. The pressure is great. Elsewhere, I heard a reference to the boot being on the other foot, whereby before it had been a job seekers’ market for high-level expertise, but now the “bosses” could call the tune over what was required of them. There was a lot of negativity towards “the bosses” and a prevailing distrust. Both groups indicated, by their subtle references rather than anything overt, that morale was low, sickness was higher and productivity had fallen.

People are I think a lot in survival mode.

In survival mode, we are focused more on getting by, on getting our immediate needs met, very self-absorbed potentially but in a way that seeks to hold everything together. We are likely to tune out our awareness of other’s needs and be less empathic. We focus on the material and financial and the higher things of life get put on hold. But underneath, thought, feeling and action are fear-based. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we slide further down the scale towards survival needs.

When we are at work in these circumstances, we are potentially very exposed to the power of the group and the group mentality, more so than perhaps people realise. If the climate is negative, it subtly pulls at us, if not overtly at least in our energy levels and in how we feel. We are more likely to get negative ourselves. It can seriously drain our own energy.

This is where it is so important to have your own practice, which I wrote about last week, and to have quiet time, such as meditation. Also it helps to get plenty of exercise, and have positive things to do outside work, which can require an effort, rather than resort to addictive activities, keep good company, and eat and sleep well. And develop and work on maintaining your own sense of a higher purpose.

There is a download for those threatened with redundancy, about motivating yourself.

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS
Share
Filed Under: The World of Work Tagged With: , ,
« Older Posts
Newer Posts »