I noticed a certain conflict of loyalties in me on reading this article about the wearing of ties. As one male who hated “having” to wear a tie, and over the moon when finally large numbers of men in work decided to abandon the wretched attire, I usually find myself having strong personal views (to myself) about this aspect of the male dress code in more formal situations. So, I notice, do certain women.

I used to be aware of the potential irony in the word “tie” with implications of being tied to how to look good as conventionally perceived. But there’s more than one side to this matter.

As a coach, if I’m helping some man to enhance his impact in for example a business environment, then I’d be encouraging him to consider a tie. Particularly if someone is a manager and they need to raise their profile, then very often they need to attend to how they look as part of the impact-making. This often includes thinking about their style of clothes, the quality, the appearance, haircut, shoes and the overall, total look. Men can get a bit uncomfortable about this, certainly in the UK, especially when we get to colour-coding, because it sounds “feminine” to some. Yet anybody who has done this work on themselves will say, the result can make a major positive difference to how they are perceived, let alone the statement to oneself that one matters.

Yet, it’s interesting that the blessed tie comes up. As I said, I hate them, but then that’s my stuff, a product of being in an English boarding school and “having” to struggle to tie a tie using separate, heavily starched collars that were so stiff they made my young “unhardened” neck very sore in the icy, unheated conditions of the spartan environment in which we lived – to “make men” of us. I guess it went with all that stuff about “character-building”, which for some people was a powerful euphemism for being thoroughly emotionally deprived. So, despite years of conformity in the world of work, I secretly harboured a desire to burn every tie I had, rather as women at one point were symbolically burning bras. When some time later I got into personal development, then a tie became an instrument of English class-based suppression of my emotional life force, that middle class, buttoned up and tied down thing! Of course this was really my under-expressed rebel side coming out, but that was the rationale. So, once male liberation finally arrived in the form of the open-necked shirt and suit or more casual gear, I was right there.

I also, as an aside, remember on one workshop an old school friend turning up with his boater (a certain kind of straw hat), which he invited me to stamp on, which I did with much glee, as bemused fellow-participants looked on, not at all getting the symbolism. This is a distinctly tribal issue, by the way!

However, as I said, it is interesting how style and body language work. My wife, bless her, takes a totally different view and repeatdly tells me I look very good in a good, quality suit and tie, tall, slim, elegant, etc, etc. And in the world out there, there are situations where wearing said tie has an impact, as stated above. For example senior managers in the civil service wear them as standard, and when seeing a minister it would be compulsory. There are organisations I can go into where all the top management wear them, and it is one thing that distinguishes them. People in customer-facing situations in banks will do likewise. If you are somewhere where you need to influence another positively, especially in power situations, the tie helps. The power of body language extends to the clothes you wear and the total effect. If you want people to sit up and take notice of you, consider the tie.

So, as the article referred to at the start points out, if you’re a politician seeking to get out amongst “the people”, then an element of “dressing down” is an option. It’s more democratic and “relaxed”. But in power, you wear a tie. After all, you need to be taken seriously. It’s such a powerful statement.

It reminds me that there are times where discretion is the better part of valour and that one’s own stuff about one’s appearance can be put on one side in the service of the greater good. Which of course also goes therefore with the advice one gives, which in the end in this case is a question of being of service to another for its and their own sake.

So, guys, hang on to that tie.

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