Being alone on a Friday evening

I remember a time when on a Friday evening I would look out of my window at uni at all those people walking busily up or down Oxford’s High Street, going somewhere or other. In my eyes, there was lots going on, and I wasn’t part of it.

I don’t know whether you’ve had the experience that everybody seems to be having a good time except you. It’s like certain people always have the “desirable” people as their girl or boyfriends. There are those who always seem to be at the centre of attention, to be “popular”, to have lots of friends, and they always go to parties and have a fabulous time. But you (or I) don’t. It’s a bummer, isn’t it!

It was only later, after much soul searching, that I finally discovered that there were many people just like me! For example, I thought that the really cool people had girl-friends (this was at that time a hugely male-dominated university) and that women were in short supply! Then when I finally got to get inside the hallowed grounds of a women’s college (yes, they had segregation), I found out that there were quite a lot of women there with no boy-friends.

Just in case you are wondering, this is actually a very important discovery, of great value to just about all of us, which I think a lot of us make at some point in our lives. That is that we are not alone, despite appearances to the contrary. The human experience is to feel alone and separate. Once we get across this particular illusion, there are actually many others who have similar experiences. And just in case there is any doubt, those seemingly “popular” people could be having the most enormously screwed up lives and be desperately alone and unhappy inside – as I found out about what later happened to many of the people I was referring to above. They have just formed a different “creative adjustment” to life to deal with it.

The universality of life experience is one of the great discoveries of doing group work, where you can find that your life drama is actually shared by others – and that you are no alone, but At One with others.

The challenge is to find a way to step outside the polarity of aloneness/At-oneness and find what unites you to everybody else. We explore this polarity, among others, on my programs.

So, as you get to your Friday evening, reflect on the illusion of separation, and perhaps take into a meditation the understanding that “I are That”, I am one with All. And allow the feeling of being connected to All to be there for you in your meditation