Do you feel like you’re going nowhere?

If someone asked you where are you heading, what would your reply be? Might it be going nowhere? That’s not intended as a frivolous question, though many right now might feel tempted to reply with variations around “get lost!”. It could be something around, “don’t ask me questions I can’t answer”. Because such is the state of the world right now that there don’t seem to be answers and many people feel incredibly uncertain and anxious about the future, and even focusing on the immediate can be really hard work and tiring. What’s your state of the world? In the … Read more

In the end is a beginning

There’s a poignancy to autumn at this time, damp, wet, a chill in the air, sun shining low through golden leaves that cling forlornly to thinning trees. The summer is replaced by autumn and winter beckons. All is decaying – but then all is also preparing for the next spring. The end of October is, it is said, a time when the veils between the two worlds are thinner, at the time of the feast of Samhain. No wonder many often choose to leave. This time of ending, of closure, is a sad time, but it can also contain the … Read more

Has change just disrupted your view of the world?

How much are you being affected by change and uncertainty right now? Both in and outside of the UK many people are thinking their lives have been turned upside down recently due to the Brexit vote. It’s not necessarily about the politics but more the impact on their lives and their plans. It’s like a major event has serious disruptive results. This isn’t the only kind of change that disrupts our settled view of the world. Change occurs for us in all sorts of ways, some welcome, some less so. You might be getting divorced, you might have lost someone, … Read more

Facing our resistance can be hard but ultimately very rewarding

We may want help to make changes in our lives but we don’t always like the fallout. It’s a seeming paradox of personal development, the desire to get help to move forward but also an apparent reluctance to fully engage in the process and instead a holding back, a resistance, and even pulling out when the going gets tough. As in other walks of life seeing the process through can be challenging and we can’t always be clear that the path we’ve entered on will work out. Thus clients who come for coaching can hit points of resistance in the … Read more

Change invites us to change our attitude

It is often remarked that the one constant in life is change. So it is perhaps remarkable that it is also one thing so many of us resist. People tell me how they dislike change and wish things would remain as they are, not necessarily noticing that they themselves are changing, as are the people around them and also their surroundings. It can be sudden and immediate and it can be slow and subtle, almost invisible. Curiously change is built-in to our way of life. Many advocate and welcome it, seeing advantage in something being new, as contrasted with the … Read more

New start or same old stuff and not moving forward?

Are you looking forward to a new start with eager anticipation, or do you find you’re quickly back where you were, with the same old stuff going on and you’re no further forward? It can be a hard one, as everybody else can seem all fired up and we aren’t. Who likes to be a party pooper? And so we suffer in silence. This can be a seasonal thing for many of us,  like a new year supposedly brings new hopes and yet we can still feel we’ve got the same problems. It’s even like positive thinking is for others … Read more

What do you regret?

It’s a useful question to ask, and many of us hit occasions when we do just that – on the last day of your life, what do you regret? A palliative care nurse recently compiled a list of the top 5 things the dying stated they regretted. These might not surprise you: 1.    I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me 2.    I wish I hadn’t worked so hard 3.    I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings 4.    I wish I had stayed in touch … Read more

Does change make you feel anxious or optimistic?

As things change, there can be a point of poignancy when there’s perhaps an awareness of regret for what is going and mixed feelings about what is to come. Autumn is one such time. We’re in this time of autumn here in the UK where the trees are turning golden brown, almost red, and leaves are piling up on the ground, in gutters and on pavements. The air is damp with a chill in the air and the grass is wet with dew in the mornings. Depending on how you are feeling, walking among trees can be a bit sad … Read more

Being closed off emotionally in the recession

Interestingly people’s “emotional intelligence”, their ability to be aware of and manage their own emotions, respond effectively to those of others and to build good relationships, has declined in the recession. It seems that with the onset of the recession many people have not surprisingly being feeling threatened and insecure and have reverted to “survival behaviour”. Thus it is easier to handle the situation by shutting down on how you feel, or at least not revealing it, and also being closed off emotionally to other people. This is a not-uncommon reaction to a threat. Under pressure we can flip into … Read more

Getting that you are going through change in your life

Getting that you are going through a change in your life can be the hard part. Humans can be fundamentally very conservative creatures and we a lot of us don’t like change. Particularly at the moment with such a sense of insecurity in the air. We don’t see what’s really going on till we’re  right in the thick of it and things aren’t going as we’d like. Change can come in clusters, and this can be a clue that it’s more fundamental. So if I take midlife crisis as an example, as described in the last post, we might experience … Read more