Uncertainty undermines your sense of purpose

Uncertainty undermines your sense of purpose. You’re not sure what’s going to happen, what direction to take, or whether you are doing the right thing. You feel disempowered, no longer in control, at the mercy of other people or events, or prey to your mind and its fears. It might be that this is due to events. Brexit could have put a halt to plans. Your organisation might have put investment and hiring on hold. You’re not sure whether you’ll have to move countries or whether you’ll have a job. Business conditions might have turned unfavourable. Maybe your landlord wants … Read more

Have you lost confidence recently?

Confidence – that ability to believe in yourself and your capability – can be present one moment and gone the next. It can help us to sparkle, impress and be effective at what we aspire to do, and its absence can weaken, undermine and inhibit our potential and what we accomplish. When we’ve lost confidence in some area of our lives, we really know the difference because there’s a gap between what we really want and what is occurring right now. We can feel undermined, held back and limited in some way. And it’s likely we don’t know what to … Read more

Lack of self belief limits us until we choose to think differently

How often do you not attempt something you would like to accomplish because you don’t believe you can? If you were honest with yourself would a lack of self-belief hold you back? You’d not be alone. Huge numbers of us, even “high achievers”, have areas of their lives where they doubt themselves. It is not uncommon to find people at the tops of organisations who think they are frauds, that one day they’ll be “found out”, exposed for who or what they really are, “not good enough”. When we don’t believe in our capabilities, we put a limiting thought out … Read more

Are you ever satisfied with what you have got?

Aren’t we having glorious weather here in the UK! Or is the satisfaction tinged with a qualification, like it’s too hot or stuffy, or you can’t get out to enjoy it and you’re sure it’ll be wet by the time your holiday arrives? It’s worth checking what you do with something positive that happens and whether you negate it to some degree. Taking satisfaction in what occurs is something that does not come so easily for many of us. Being satisfied with what you have got can clash with a deeply held belief that what we have isn’t enough. We … Read more

People need to feel more connected to you

Do you find yourself talking about a matter perhaps quite close to you and somehow people don’t seem to quite understand? You might for example be talking and there’s a non-reaction in your audience, like there’s no energy in the room, and people looked switched off, and perhaps bored and distracted. It’s likely that they’re disengaged. So how do you get them so they’re more connected to you and what you’re saying? Today people need to get from you how it really is. Which sounds good, except that often you don’t know how to convey it, at least not in … Read more

Belief in yourself is often the key to what you really want from life

As a coach I get a lot from watching talent shows – well at least one or two of them! – and see what it takes for participants to learn and grow. Watching the Voice recently (wasn’t Leah great!)  I’ve noticed how much a common theme has been about belief in yourself . It struck me because I so often encounter this area in coaching people. It is often core to their success in pushing past their barriers and getting the results they want. It’s so palpable, the uncertainty in their eyes, their body language and in what they say … Read more

How to value yourself even on a bad hair day

To value yourself, warts and all, can seem like an easy thing to do on a good day, but what about when it’s not such a good day? It’s like getting up in the morning and looking at yourself in the mirror and all you see are the less flattering features, regardless of what others say to you. It’s when you’ve gone into work and had some less welcome news or had some negative feedback, and end up feeling bad about yourself. It’s like when you’ve had a disagreement with someone and sense they might not like you so much … Read more

Self belief involves developing inner strength

It can be a prevalent theme in one’s life, fluctuating in one’s opinion of oneself between self doubt and positive self belief. At one moment we can be plagued by low self esteem and confidence, worrying about whether we’re “up to it” and “can make it”, what people must think of us, whether we’ve “got what it takes”, and whether we’re really OK. Then in another moment, for some reason, it shifts and we know we can do it, that we’re fine and OK, and it doesn’t matter what people think because we know we’re OK. Whole groups, organisations and … Read more

To value yourself gives you your well-spring for action

As any who has battled with self esteem will tell you, a powerful impulse for action comes from a sense of inner knowing of your self-worth, when you value yourself. We’ll use different words for it and will often refer to things like self belief, valuing ourselves, knowing we are OK, that we’re worth it. We can often limit our actions, and the strategies we choose, and even the insights we come up with on which we make plans, by how we’re feeling inside about us ourselves. It’s like, what’s the flavour of the moment today? If I’m not feeling … Read more

Building self confidence can mean being more assertive

It’s common theme for those who are challenged by their self confidence that one aspect involves dealing with people more assertive than they are. A lot of people who are working on building self confidence find that they need to be more assertive. It’s often for many the really hard part, because it can involve them in standing up for themselves with seemingly stronger, more dominant people, and can involve conflict or the fear of conflict.Thus confidence very often has an interpersonal dimension. A part of this is how we think we are perceived by others. Will they be displeased, … Read more