How to value yourself even on a bad hair day

To value yourself, warts and all, can seem like an easy thing to do on a good day, but what about when it’s not such a good day? It’s like getting up in the morning and looking at yourself in the mirror and all you see are the less flattering features, regardless of what others say to you. It’s when you’ve gone into work and had some less welcome news or had some negative feedback, and end up feeling bad about yourself. It’s like when you’ve had a disagreement with someone and sense they might not like you so much … Read more

Self belief involves developing inner strength

It can be a prevalent theme in one’s life, fluctuating in one’s opinion of oneself between self doubt and positive self belief. At one moment we can be plagued by low self esteem and confidence, worrying about whether we’re “up to it” and “can make it”, what people must think of us, whether we’ve “got what it takes”, and whether we’re really OK. Then in another moment, for some reason, it shifts and we know we can do it, that we’re fine and OK, and it doesn’t matter what people think because we know we’re OK. Whole groups, organisations and … Read more

To value yourself gives you your well-spring for action

As any who has battled with self esteem will tell you, a powerful impulse for action comes from a sense of inner knowing of your self-worth, when you value yourself. We’ll use different words for it and will often refer to things like self belief, valuing ourselves, knowing we are OK, that we’re worth it. We can often limit our actions, and the strategies we choose, and even the insights we come up with on which we make plans, by how we’re feeling inside about us ourselves. It’s like, what’s the flavour of the moment today? If I’m not feeling … Read more

Beating ourselves up doesn’t make for lasting peace

Have you found that the frustration, shame or disappointment you have felt for something adverse that has happened for you has been such that you’ve turned it on yourself? Beating ourselves up can be one way of dealing with lack of success in some area of life, although not exactly the most positive way of treating the self. If we don’t take it out on others, then there’s ourselves, if that is we feel we have to “take it out” on something. The anger, shame, rage, call it what you will, needs an outlet. There’s a long history of this. … Read more

Overcoming low self esteem through knowing who you really are

The journey of overcoming low self esteem can be a long one. However, it helps when you recognise what you are dealing with, through the power of awareness. Much of my life was spent coping with my life challenges, but not really dealing with them. It took a series of big knock-backs for me to get that a core block in the way of my own growth was low self esteem. It’s not one that I think I liked to admit to, at least not in my culture and upbringing, where I was taught to “be strong” and put a … Read more

It’s hard overcoming low self esteem after a knock to confidence

It’s a big challenge for people at present in these difficult times, maintaining self belief, confidence and self esteem in the face of knock-backs and rejections. I’m thinking particularly of job seekers, but it can also apply to the self employed and to those with financial difficulty, illness or other challenges that life can seemingly throw at us. Overcoming low self esteem in the face of difficulty can feel like it’s too much, particularly if your self esteem wasn’t that great to begin with. It doesn’t help when you get a bad day. If you keep getting bad hair days, … Read more

Your real self esteem test can be the love you feel

Here is a perhaps slightly unorthodox self esteem test, but it very much relates to how we feel about ourselves. Recently I was giving a talk about Connecting to Inner Peace. The theme was about how to connect with that serenity and bliss that naturally dwells within us. That proposition, that we have within us a natural centre of joy is itself radical for many people. After all life experience for so many of us is that of struggle and suffering. This is what the Buddha taught over two thousand years ago and it hasn’t changed. Surveys of happiness in … Read more

Learning self confidence and self esteem

The tragedy for so many people in our society is the investment they have in how they think they are perceived, in their body image. Just recently this has been found to be extending to seniors, to the elderly, too, amongst whom there is an increase in eating disorders and other challenges associated with perceived body image. It brings up all sorts of issues to do with self confidence and self esteem, with how we value and appreciate ourselves, and with our fears about how others might see us and what they might think of us. It erodes our self … Read more

Thank you Whitney for your service to us

Like very many others I was very saddened to read that Whitney Houston died today, and that we’ve lost a major singing talent, albeit not as she once was. She died in her 49th year, which can be a turning point for many, and I’ve often noticed how people leave at that time. She was important for me not just for her excellent singing and all those songs I used play in my car on the long journeys I once did. She also helped unwittingly to contribute to the emergence of a new phase in my life. For me she … Read more

It’s hard to like yourself when you don’t like your body

Imagine you were an alien and you were being given a guided tour of shops to get an idea of what interests Earth beings. Suppose you were taken round Boots, the UK drugstore chain. What would that tell you about people’s preoccupations? Probably an awful lot about our preoccupations with our bodies and our appearance. Many might be used to seeing news articles relating to women’s concerns in this area. Last week there was something on men too. Apparently 35% of 40-year old men surveyed would trade a year of their life to achieve their ideal body weight or shape. … Read more