Having trust in a world of lies where things are not as they seem

In today’s digitally dominated and manipulated world it can often feel like there are things that are not as they seem and we are left asking ourselves, “Is that true?” and “Can I trust it?” There is a BBC TV drama currently running, The Capture, in which a man is arrested because he is seen on CCTV attacking a woman who subsequently disappears, when he believes that they kissed and she simply got on a bus. The man seems to be unjustly accused and yet the video evidence is plain. Gradually the investigating police officer realises that the video may … Read more

Honesty and openness not secrecy and distrust heals us and brings peace

Under pressure, a knee-jerk response is to close down and defend oneself. One classic stress response after all is to prepare the bodily system to engage the enemy, or to take flight, or to freeze to the spot. Traditional cultural conditioning is arguably to be careful what you reveal. It might be a natural “free child” response in Transactional Analysis terms to be open, spontaneous and expressive, to show honesty and openness, and yet that’s not how people have traditionally tended to react in social situations. Social conditioning closed down the “free child” response. To be honest, open and direct … Read more

When truth serves a higher cause

Last night I was giving a talk on relationships to a group in Bournemouth, UK, and I was explaining about the importance of honesty in relationship. That clearly got some minds working because in the Q and A afterwards several raised points about occasions when it is best to be less than honest. Surely it didn’t always pay to be honest? So first of all, why is honesty important? Very often people avoid telling the truth for a variety of reasons, such as being uncomfortable about the other person’s possible reaction, or that they themselves might feel uncomfortable in the … Read more